Tag Archives: trust

Stage 21: Unspoken bonds (part 1..)

Trust.

What is trust?

It’s a band stretched to its elastic potential, which (if you paid attention in Physics) requires equal amounts of effort. This ‘effort’ requires the constant reassurance that the other person wont let you down.That they share the same understanding that you do and that they are ready for every term this agreement offers; the good and the bad.

A tub of Honesty, a  can of Wholeheartedness, a pinch of Compromise and a willing Sous chef


These promises all translate into unimpeachable relationships.

Well, in a perfect world they do

Just don’t let go of your end

Advertisements

Stage 18: Self- Quarantine

Voluntarily choosing to be in silence.

It sucks, and its not something i used to be capable of. However now, somehow i am able to jail my voice, only speaking when necessary and sometimes not even then. Its confusing, its all sorts of depressing and its highly unhealthy.

I confess: I’m a Chronic Over-thinker. Do you know what overthinking is like? Its trying to move forward with life, with one foot firmly on the brake. Its something only someone who’s passionate about warring with their emotions can achieve. Its just toxic.

I don’t even, know the function of this post. I guess it was an attempt at venting and then being able to make sense of what ive been feeling? However it sure as hell isnt working.

Why couldnt i tell someone close to me? That’s the Overthinking efficiently working. Its made me feel alone and dissatisfied with everything. It’s consuming every aspect that supports me. But why? How do i even go about making sense of this.

I want to study

I want to be successful

I want to stop being a ‘Jack of all, King of none’

I want to stop condemning every thing i do

I want to stop being fed up with people around me

I just don’t want to feel alone anymore.

I know this is a year of my life where i need to focus, where the above statements actually are advantages. But its a major change.. going from the free morpheme ‘social’ to the bound morpheme ‘anti-social’. That was an AS English reference ( yeah woah i’m actually sticking to my promise and studying this year?) but it’s ironic, since i do feel bound

But from my own actions? I know that can’t be normal.

I was okay with being a mess before and now that for the first time, i’m actually getting stuff done and organised- clearing up the ‘garbage’ that i had transformed my life into- I’m not happy? This is so messed up. What’s wrong with me?

How can i be making the choice of isolating myself and then question why i feel so isolated.

help

 

Stage 17: Ti-CHOO!

Have you ever realised how alike humans and tissues are? (yes this is another emotional rant of mine so grab some popcorn and your nearest box of tissues and RELATE TO ME)

Here let me elaborate and justify my statement:

If you didn’t already know, tissues are made of many layers, known as plies. Some say the higher the number of plies, the better the quality of the tissue. This same theory could be applied to us.The more layers or the thicker the facade is of a person the tougher they usually are.Alas what is a determiner of quality in tissues?A synonym of toughness- Durability.

Funnily enough, humans and tissues are so alike that sometimes people mistake other people for tissues… don’t believe me? Then think of that person from high-school who needed help with their homework;To whom you offered your sincere assistance, only to never hear from them again… or until the next time your class was given a sheet of algebra equations. And don’t be mistaken- You’re guilty of treating people like tissues too. We all are.

We dispose of people when we are no longer in need of them.When they no longer provide us with comfort or satisfaction of any sort. When they’ve been rendered useless.

However, its alright. Tissues, like most people in your life, aren’t meant to be permanent. But when you do find those people who’s presence in your life isn’t volatile? Treasure them, because you my dear reader, have found yourself a handkerchief.

 


 

“So Tami what did you do today?”

“Oh nothing much, just blogged about tissues. You know the usual”

(Heres a mini shoutout to all the handkerchief’s in my life. The ones that I have found, and the ones that I have yet to find.)

 

 

 

Stage 16: Manipulate me. I dare you

Some people have been hurt so much in their lives, that they turn into emotionless robots.Computers incapable of feeling. After a lifetime of being hurt, misunderstood and neglected, they put up a force-field around themselves that destroys anyone that attempts to test it; and it’s not their fault that you’ve been dismantled… oh no, its your’s for caring too much for a person that ‘never asked for it’.

If you at any point in your life were in a similar situation and firmly believed that you were the one at fault, congratulations my naive reader for you have been the victim of a senseless game. An emotional one created by a person with too much free time and too much hatred for the world.Their weapons were aimed at no-one in specific but, you unfortunately, ended up in the crossfire. And all for what? For having too strong of a desire to fix dead people.

There are different types of people in this world.There are those who love, those who are loved and then there are the evaders.Notice how even the word itself doesn’t fit in anywhere?  These type of people are constantly running, they constantly try to avoid confrontation, constantly doubt everyone close to them and more often than not, are completely alone. But the most obvious feature that marks an ‘evader’ is their mastery of the art of manipulation (in simpler terms, dick-iness ).

Evaders might look good on the surface- Charmers, Intelligent, High-powered and bold.However, Inside they are empty and carry nothing else but that evil with them, Vectors of manipulation if you’d like.

So what do you with these emotionally handicapped people? You leave them. It’s easier than them unraveling, contorting  and ultimately eradicating your very soul.

It’s easier than them leaving you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

its a constant pity party with them. dont ever go to this party. it leaves you hungover with regret .

Stage 14: An absence

Missing someone is hard. Especially when it isnt a person you can succesfuly  associate a face or name with; when its a person you dont know… all you do know is that theyre missing. Missing from your life.

Their absence beats at the door of your heart with a certain vigour, almost mocking your illusory loneliness.

And this dearth hits like a wasp sting – quick, sharp and sore, after the initial excruciating pain.

And all youre left with is an overwhelming curiosity.Millions of questions flooding your mind, gushing relentlessly, wailing to be answered.Why do i want this person? Why do i need them? Where can i find them? Will i ever find them? Is my mind playing tricks on me? Who exactly are they? Is this someone i already know? Am i creating false emotions?

Its not pain that renders you dysfunctional. Its a pain that gnaws obssesively, almost numbingly at your very core, thrashing and battering your soul.

 

 

Stage 13: 48 hours

48 hours is all it took.

48 hours to unearth your truth, do you remember?

48 hours to end our book

48 hours for that fiercely burning fire to turn into a barely visible ember

48 hours for you to forget me and 48 hours is it all it took.

I’m going to start a new book now, I’m going to light a new flame.

I’m going to forget you now and you’re the only one to blame

And 48 hours is all it’s going to take me,48 hours from today

48 hours to forget the lies and

48 hours to be okay.