As an aspiring journalist, one does not have the common privilege of ignorance
It’s those sleepless nights.
The hours that tick tick slowly by to greet the rays of the sun.
When youve had too much of a calm phase in life, hours like these are necessary to remind you. Remind you that there were moments like these too.
Where nothing is necessarily wrong in your life. Oh no, it is actually something wrong with the past that comes back to haunt you. To hover over you and remind you that there were moments like these too; moments where everything had been going to hell… where you thought you wouldnt live to see the calm.
A sudden halt on your dead-end rollercoaster.
Where all emotions are snatched from you and replaced with burning, new, implacable ones.
Where there’s no room for the glorious miscommunication that usually goes on between your soul and your body.
Grasp at these moments because it doesn’t come with the risk of permanent emotional damage… just a slightly stinging sorrow.
It’s life’s gift to you. To help you rid of the monotony that comes with happiness. To encourage you to cherish contentment. To remind you that there used to be moments like these too; moments where the night just tick ticks by.
Let me set the scene for you.
It’s a pleasant, cool day. You stand around nonchalantly with a group of people. Banter is being passed around like a ball and a contest of wit seems to be taking place. Generally a satisfying spell has seized control of the day. That is until
Irrelevant person 1: “and then i said to her if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate!!”
*unanimous laughter at punny chemistry joke*
You: “hey that reminds me irrelevant person 3, did you watch that documentary?”
Irrelevant person 3: …
*pause before you attempt to ask the deaf irrelevance your question again*
You: ” Did you see that docum-”
Irrelevant person 3: “Oh btw guys (proceeds to talk about irrelevant topic)”
You: *cue feelings of wanting to move to Lithuania to sell cats for a living*
Not being heard and having to repeat yourself is the worst. The only thing worse than that is having to repeat yourself and not being heard again. ( and the only thing worse than THAT is it happening with your crush but that’s a whole other post).
I mean I know it’s kind of dramatic to feel so worthless, but that is EXACTLY how you feel. I don’t know why, but the insecurities just thrive off of moments like those. It’s the most terrifying thing that can happen to you and somehow it leaves you feeling like the least important human on the planet. It leaves you feeling irrelevant.
Overthinking coupled with abandonment issues and crippling social anxiety- Life’s peachy keen.
Sitting on the edge of my bed, clinging to my phone and the words of my closest friends, upset yet again about another boy, i wondered why some days it was so easy to forget and then other days why it was impossible to even begin to do so.
I’ve used rubber bands before to signify trust, but rubber bands are so so so very versatile in their analogical power, it is insane. Bless them.
So here is yet another analogy for you my bored reader.
Crushes and Rubber Bands.
You don’t even have to be facing your crush for this to happen. Actually it works best if you AREN’T facing them. Metaphorically of course. You guys could be on a no communication basis and this will definitely be a problem you will face.
Liking someone is like being attached to them by a rubber band. Your relationship is represented by this band and all your fights, arguments and little fall outs contribute in eroding away the band. Likewise and on the other hand, all your shared conversations, secrets and smiles contribute into making this band stronger and somehow more flexible. The longer you have feelings for this person, the higher the elastic limit. The funny thing is our prey- i mean our crush is usually unaware of this. It’s a sad world.
So now this concept should explain why it is so hard to get over people you harbour romantic feelings for. Every time, you have to try with all your strength and you can not afford to get tired. Because once you do, you’re pulled back by the rubber band, and hard.
And its’s harder each time you’re flung back because it gnaws away at your willpower. It affects your self control and it messes with your confidence. It makes you behave quite pathetically really.
And now thanks to me you have something to blame your pitiful state on. Yaaaaaaaaaay!
No but listen. I know it seems impossible and that’s because as i explained it is hard for a while. But eventually according to physics (finally this subject is helpful) if stretched enough for long, beyond its elastic limit… what happens to the band? YOU’RE RIGHT! It snaps. And WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE you’re free. Just like that.
But obviously since you managed to make it through this entire post, I’ll give you a little cheat code bonus present thingamabob. The band can be cut by a pair of simple scissors. And I happen to have an extra pair. Stop being so attached to them and get over it.
It’s not the fact that anything changed between us… not a relationship status or our physical presence. But for some reason, almost disappeared, has our mental connection.
I cant place it but we’re different
Something’s different about us
I blame you and you might blame me. Truth is there is no-one to blame. Nothing happened, but we changed. We both changed somehow. Unable to foster the parallel we used to share, we both are rendered helpless.
We miss each other but we can’t be together.
We tell each other but it doesn’t change anything.
It doesn’t change the fact that we lost it.
We misplaced a feeling and now It’s gone. Maybe not forever. but heck it sure is taking a long time to find… I’ll fight for it though. I’ll fight like I’ve never lost before, but you need to fight too.
Please fight. Fight hard.
Fight for us.
‘I appreciate it’
HOW ON EARTH DO YOU RESPOND TO THIS. How. there is actually no valid, logical response to this phrase from hell.I propose that we ban this phrase. We need to sign a petition that just kills this phrase and makes it illegal to say.
You can’t just say ‘you’re welcome’ because that’s insinuating that the person should have thanked you or just comes off as plain sarcastic.
If you say ‘no problem’ or ‘anytime’ it makes it seem like you’ve done them a huge favour even though it might have been something of equal importance to you.
I mean if this happens on chat, you’re lucky- send a heart emoji and you’re good. But what about when it’s in person. WHAT IS THE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE THEN?????????
You can’t just smile- that’s rude and cold and you seem stuck up.
I mean you could just tell them to shut up, grab them and *bearhug*… but what if they’re not a hugger or you aren’t at that level of friendship yet or it really wasn’t a big deal.. like what if you just opened the door for someone.. IM SO CONFUZZLED
Conclusion: Just walk away… move to Easter Island and change your name to Cheesebiscuit because there is actually no turning back from this point on. You have just reached the boss level and not just any boss. Like Bowser boss level. So yeah basically impossible to beat. ( i swear if you could beat Bowser then marry me)
Ive isolated myself to the point where i miss people i never even liked.
Why do people say its not okay to miss someone or something?
Yes, it can be argued that it is a waste of time but it certainly doesn’t indicate that you are not over whatever it is that you lost.Being condemned for missing something that was a big part of your life is stupid.Lets take the example easiest to relate with- Missing someONE.
It’s okay to miss someone that hurt you because you don’t miss the pain they caused you-HELL NO. gross never.
but instead you miss
the persons presence in your life,
the profound conversations with them,
the vivid memories you shared and most importantly
the connection you had.
It’s not pathetic. Don’t knock yourself over for missing someone that obviously brought you so much joy at one point in time (even if they caused you nothing but pain later on).
Because there’s a difference between missing someone… and wanting them back in your life.
and as long as the latter is absent, you’re okay. Its natural to recognise that something that used to be in your life is gone… but remember
The one who hurt you does not have the power to heal you.
So miss them. Miss them all you want because
Missing someone is just remembering something that has been forgotten so you are capable of it.
and let go.
Its repetitive isn’t it? The game of heartbreak
Yet we all still play. Participate with full enthusiasm, impetus and with no plan to learn from our mistakes. We all know the outcome, yet we are still hurt when it happens.
Even the strongest humans are susceptible to this disease. The disease that has taken a toll on countless, unsuspecting, innocent victims, and their lives. The implacable disease of Love.
A drug, an addiction,
Something that you can live without but forget how to live without.
The concept of the game? Oh its very simple. You either play or get played. Its very rare to find a friendly match where the two sides are not competing to destroy one another.
The end result? Complete obliteration of the defending team.
Why is this simple game with simple rules so hard though? The answer to that is well… simple.
When things are easy, we tend to use all that extra room to over-complicate stuff. Therefore everyone ends up playing a different game; employing their own strategies and bending the unspoken rules to their own liking.
Another weapon the brave soldiers (that enter this brutal war) are equipped with is the ‘blinker’ ( the blinders horses wear, to prevent them from being frightened by potential harm). However, when our brave soldier puts on this metaphorical blinker, he restricts himself to a view of only the potential harm.
And once this blinker is on.. BOOM.
It was just a crush.