As an aspiring journalist, one does not have the common privilege of ignorance
Ambition is just constant dissatisfaction.
I’m playing this world like a video-game,
Overthinking is a glitch and heartbreak is the lag.
I am all the synonyms of stupid
It takes guts to stain a blank page with your emotions.
I’m attracted to bad decisions, I’m into making mistakes.
It’s sad that a death is a tragedy but anything more is a statistic.
I recently came out.
Not of a closet concerning my sexuality, but rather my mental health.
I still don’t know whether i can call it depression or classify it as full fledged anxiety. Or if it was a concoction of both of those highly complementing ingredients.Not only did they complement each other, but also were extremely compatible with my soul.
The first time i told someone was last year.But last year it wasn’t as powerful. Last year it was like an appetizer for the main course that was soon to upset my entire life and morals. Last year was a breeze comparatively because last year i had things to blame it on… but this year? This time? Nothing.
This time it was in my head, this time it was something i chose, this time it was far more real…
Because this time it made me stronger.
Just when i thought i was alone and had no-one left that i could trust or turn to, i remembered that there were people i had been taking for granted all along. My last chance at a plea for help- Family.
And Holy Hell did they help.
Never have i felt so supported before.Never have i felt so valued. Never have i been so happy.
Yes of course the panic attacks still hit me hard. Of course the sadness hasn’t disappeared but I don’t give up anymore. I fight.
Anxiety and Depression are monsters that feed off of self-pity, self-hatred and self-doubt. But when you choose to be indubitably grateful, compassionately loving and unrelentingly confident, you’re also choosing to be in control.
You’re making a conscious decision to be happy.
The easiest thing to do when you’ve dug a hole so deep is to keep digging. The further you dig the harder it is to get out.It’s always harder to get out.But you have to. You cant let your mind control you.
Don’t let these diseases make you an audience member of your very own life. You didn’t come here to watch. You were sent here to play.
A special thanks to my brother, I love you.
Ive isolated myself to the point where i miss people i never even liked.
Why do people say its not okay to miss someone or something?
Yes, it can be argued that it is a waste of time but it certainly doesn’t indicate that you are not over whatever it is that you lost.Being condemned for missing something that was a big part of your life is stupid.Lets take the example easiest to relate with- Missing someONE.
It’s okay to miss someone that hurt you because you don’t miss the pain they caused you-HELL NO. gross never.
but instead you miss
the persons presence in your life,
the profound conversations with them,
the vivid memories you shared and most importantly
the connection you had.
It’s not pathetic. Don’t knock yourself over for missing someone that obviously brought you so much joy at one point in time (even if they caused you nothing but pain later on).
Because there’s a difference between missing someone… and wanting them back in your life.
and as long as the latter is absent, you’re okay. Its natural to recognise that something that used to be in your life is gone… but remember
The one who hurt you does not have the power to heal you.
So miss them. Miss them all you want because
Missing someone is just remembering something that has been forgotten so you are capable of it.
and let go.