Tag Archives: Quotable

Stage 32: The thoughts of a person who can’t write.

It’s the sadness that pushes us. The gnawing, tugging, inescapable emotions that drag us into our creative zones. Writing is a catharsis and there’s no need for it unless you’re looking for an escape; for the reason a reader reads and a writer writes is the same.

And when you’re content, there is no need for an escape- *introducing the all new and improved ‘writers block’. Now in 4 different shades of frustration.*

It’s every artists internal conflict. For them to create they have to have inspiration, for inspiration they need an extreme emotion, for an extreme emotion they need exhilaration or depression, the latter being much easier to achieve when you have no inspiration and thus the vicious cycle begins.

What to do, what to do, what to do.

Take a break I guess. Go out, switch off, forget. I say I guess because evidently I still can’t write. Atleast nothing along the lines of profound or mildly entertaining.

Sorry for wasting your time if you made it this far.

But a word of advice because I never publish a post without something quotable ( ✔️ ) and something kinda sorta not really helpful- Don’t force yourself to create something that has to be appreciated… just. create.


Well, i woke up to that faint blue light that I now so easily recognise (c.e. https://itswaypastcurfew.wordpress.com/2016/06/01/stage-7-34-progress/ , where i flipped out, seeing it for the first time)

WordPress informed me that it was our 2 year anniversary. Possibly the longest any of my relationships have ever lasted (platonic and romantic).  *cringing at this sad truth*

Also I haven’t been able to write at all lately and this is more or less a forced post and I have to end up asking myself the question ‘ why can we write so much better when our life is going to the dogs?’

Stage 25: You’re happy.

I recently came out.

Not of a closet concerning my sexuality, but rather my mental health.

I still don’t know whether i can call it depression or classify it as full fledged anxiety. Or if it was a concoction of both of those highly complementing ingredients.Not only did they complement each other, but also were extremely compatible with my soul.

The first time i told someone was last year.But last year it wasn’t as powerful. Last year it was like an appetizer for the main course that was soon to upset my entire life and morals. Last year was a breeze comparatively because last year i had things to blame it on… but this year? This time? Nothing.

This time it was in my head, this time it was something i chose, this time it was far more real…

Because this time it made me stronger.

Just when i thought i was alone and had no-one left that i could trust or turn to, i remembered that there were people i had been taking for granted all along. My last chance at a plea for help- Family.

And Holy Hell did they help.

Never have i felt so supported before.Never have i felt so valued. Never have i been so happy.

Yes of course the panic attacks still hit me hard. Of course the sadness hasn’t disappeared but I don’t give up anymore. I fight.

Anxiety and Depression are monsters that feed off of self-pity, self-hatred and self-doubt. But when you choose to be indubitably grateful, compassionately loving and unrelentingly confident, you’re also choosing to be in control.

You’re making a conscious decision to be happy.

The easiest thing to do when you’ve dug a hole so deep is to keep digging. The further you dig the harder it is to get out.It’s always harder to get out.But you have to. You cant let your mind control you.

Don’t let these diseases make you an audience member of your very own life. You didn’t come here to watch. You were sent here to play.


 

 A special thanks to my brother, I love you.

Stage 24: Reminiscent

Why do people say its not okay to miss someone or something?

Yes, it can be argued that it is a waste of time but it certainly doesn’t indicate that you are not over whatever it is that you lost.Being condemned for missing something that was a big part of your life is stupid.Lets take the example easiest to relate with- Missing someONE.

It’s okay to miss someone that hurt you because you don’t miss the pain they caused you-HELL NO. gross never.

but instead you miss

the persons presence in your life,

the profound conversations with them,

the vivid memories you shared and most importantly

the connection you had.

It’s not pathetic. Don’t knock yourself over for missing someone that obviously brought you so much joy at one point in time (even if they caused you nothing but pain later on).

Because there’s a difference between missing someone… and wanting them back in your life.

and as long as the latter is absent, you’re okay. Its natural to recognise that something that used to be in your life is gone… but remember

The one who hurt you does not have the power to heal you.

So miss them. Miss them all you want because

Missing someone is just remembering something that has been forgotten so you are capable of it.


breathe

accept

and let go.

Stage 22: Unspoken bonds (Part 2..)

Its repetitive isn’t it? The game of heartbreak

Yet we all still play. Participate with full enthusiasm, impetus and with no plan to learn from our mistakes. We all know the outcome, yet we are still hurt when it happens.

Even the strongest humans are susceptible to this disease. The disease that has taken a toll on countless, unsuspecting, innocent victims, and their lives. The implacable disease of Love.

A drug, an addiction,

Something that you can live without but forget how to live without.

The concept of the game? Oh its very simple. You either play or get played. Its very rare to find a friendly match where the two sides are not competing to destroy one another.

The end result? Complete obliteration of the defending team.

Why is this simple game with simple rules so hard though? The answer to that is well… simple.

When things are easy, we tend to use all that extra room to over-complicate stuff. Therefore everyone ends up playing a different game; employing their own strategies and bending the unspoken rules to their own liking.

Another weapon the brave soldiers (that enter this brutal war) are equipped with is the ‘blinker’ ( the blinders horses wear, to prevent them from being frightened by potential harm). However, when our brave soldier puts on this metaphorical blinker, he restricts himself to a view of only the potential harm.

And once this blinker is on.. BOOM.

Total Annihilation.

Stage 14: An absence

Missing someone is hard. Especially when it isnt a person you can succesfuly  associate a face or name with; when its a person you dont know… all you do know is that theyre missing. Missing from your life.

Their absence beats at the door of your heart with a certain vigour, almost mocking your illusory loneliness.

And this dearth hits like a wasp sting – quick, sharp and sore, after the initial excruciating pain.

And all youre left with is an overwhelming curiosity.Millions of questions flooding your mind, gushing relentlessly, wailing to be answered.Why do i want this person? Why do i need them? Where can i find them? Will i ever find them? Is my mind playing tricks on me? Who exactly are they? Is this someone i already know? Am i creating false emotions?

Its not pain that renders you dysfunctional. Its a pain that gnaws obssesively, almost numbingly at your very core, thrashing and battering your soul.