Tag Archives: motivation

Stage 31 : Thank you, Sincerely I hate you

Dear Jerk(s),

I have taken it upon myself to write this letter to wholeheartedly thank you.

Yes i may at one point in my life, when my standards were apparently at their lowest, have wanted you, liked you, needed you. Maybe at one sad moment, I craved for your attention, your approval, your acceptance of me. But i swear to you with all the might that is left in me, I do not need it nor am I seeking it.

The word disillusioned was created for revelations like these. You’re hell-bent on bringing me down for some reason. I used to even bother asking questions, doubting myself, just to justify your actions. ‘What did i ever do to you’. It was a question that gnawed at me continuously. It was pathetic. Actually no wait you’re pathetic, I just care too much. My bad, I admit.

But now my attitude has changed. I ask myself a new question now; ‘Why am I letting you do this to me’. I can’t confidently answer that to this day but I can, however, change that interrogative into a declarative; ‘ I wont let you do this to me’. Okay enough of bullshit. I had enough of that when i was honored by your presence.

But listen. I mentioned that i wanted to Thank you and I really do! I did want to thank you, you amazing human you 🙂

Thank you for the pain you caused me. You know why? Because it made me write this post and countless others, it fueled my passion for creative (but rather depressing  pieces), It brought me my followers and it brought me my reader who is probably reading this thinking of their very own Jerk. They are quite abundant these days aren’t they? But most importantly it made me so much smarter. Yes. I won’t say stronger or happier because for now that isn’t true. For now.

But smarter. I feel like mentally, i could battle the amazon rain-forest. If someone could tolerate an insolence like you, how easy does everything else seem.

So very truly, Thank you.

Go love yourself.

Sardonically yours,

A person who’s moved on.



This is my personal letter to all the Jerks one faces in life. May it be ex’s, bullies or random trolls. They’re all the same and we can all get through it with a wee bit of patience and a whole lotta sarcasm.

Stage 30: 30 going on 30

I hit 30 followers 2 days ago preceding my 30th post. Now i know 30 might seem like an ant of a number in the grand scheme of things, however, it is a great big deal to me.

When i started blogging again in the summer of 2016, i promised myself i wouldn’t let this blog rot away abandoned like i had last time. And i didn’t.

I get bored very easily and this is an accomplishment for me. It proves to me, my passion, for writing and comforts my decision to pursue Journalism. It proves the one person who knew about my blog last year and laughed at it, wrong. It proves that I can do something if I wholeheartedly make it my priority. It proves me wrong.

So here is to 30 followers, 1000 hits (YES 1000! ), and many more posts to come.

Stage 29: Crushes, Rubber bands and Analogies

Sitting on the edge of my bed, clinging to my phone and the words of my closest friends, upset yet again about another boy, i wondered why some days it was so easy to forget and then other days why it was impossible to even begin to do so.

I’ve used rubber bands before to signify trust, but rubber bands are so so so very versatile in their analogical power, it is insane. Bless them.

So here is yet another analogy for you my bored reader.

Crushes and Rubber Bands.

You don’t even have to be facing your crush for this to happen. Actually it works best if you AREN’T facing them. Metaphorically of course. You guys could be on a no communication basis and this will definitely be a problem you will face.

Liking someone is like being attached to them by a rubber band. Your relationship is represented by this band and all your fights, arguments and little fall outs contribute in eroding away the band. Likewise and on the other hand, all your shared conversations, secrets and smiles contribute into making this band stronger and somehow more flexible. The longer you have feelings for this person, the higher the elastic limit. The funny thing is our prey- i mean our crush is usually unaware of this. It’s a sad world.

So now this concept should explain why it is so hard to get over people you harbour romantic feelings for. Every time, you have to try with all your strength and you can not afford to get tired. Because once you do, you’re pulled back by the rubber band, and hard.

And its’s harder each time you’re flung back because it gnaws away at your willpower. It affects your self control and it messes with your confidence. It makes you behave quite pathetically really.

And now thanks to me you have something to blame your pitiful state on. Yaaaaaaaaaay!

No but listen. I know it seems impossible and that’s because as i explained it is hard for a while. But eventually according to physics (finally this subject is helpful) if stretched enough for long, beyond its elastic limit… what happens to the band? YOU’RE RIGHT! It snaps. And WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE you’re free. Just like that.

But obviously since you managed to make it through this entire post, I’ll give you a little cheat code bonus present thingamabob. The band can be cut by a pair of simple scissors. And I happen to have an extra pair. Stop being so attached to them and get over it.

Here

 

Stage 25: You’re happy.

I recently came out.

Not of a closet concerning my sexuality, but rather my mental health.

I still don’t know whether i can call it depression or classify it as full fledged anxiety. Or if it was a concoction of both of those highly complementing ingredients.Not only did they complement each other, but also were extremely compatible with my soul.

The first time i told someone was last year.But last year it wasn’t as powerful. Last year it was like an appetizer for the main course that was soon to upset my entire life and morals. Last year was a breeze comparatively because last year i had things to blame it on… but this year? This time? Nothing.

This time it was in my head, this time it was something i chose, this time it was far more real…

Because this time it made me stronger.

Just when i thought i was alone and had no-one left that i could trust or turn to, i remembered that there were people i had been taking for granted all along. My last chance at a plea for help- Family.

And Holy Hell did they help.

Never have i felt so supported before.Never have i felt so valued. Never have i been so happy.

Yes of course the panic attacks still hit me hard. Of course the sadness hasn’t disappeared but I don’t give up anymore. I fight.

Anxiety and Depression are monsters that feed off of self-pity, self-hatred and self-doubt. But when you choose to be indubitably grateful, compassionately loving and unrelentingly confident, you’re also choosing to be in control.

You’re making a conscious decision to be happy.

The easiest thing to do when you’ve dug a hole so deep is to keep digging. The further you dig the harder it is to get out.It’s always harder to get out.But you have to. You cant let your mind control you.

Don’t let these diseases make you an audience member of your very own life. You didn’t come here to watch. You were sent here to play.


 

 A special thanks to my brother, I love you.

Stage 24: Reminiscent

Why do people say its not okay to miss someone or something?

Yes, it can be argued that it is a waste of time but it certainly doesn’t indicate that you are not over whatever it is that you lost.Being condemned for missing something that was a big part of your life is stupid.Lets take the example easiest to relate with- Missing someONE.

It’s okay to miss someone that hurt you because you don’t miss the pain they caused you-HELL NO. gross never.

but instead you miss

the persons presence in your life,

the profound conversations with them,

the vivid memories you shared and most importantly

the connection you had.

It’s not pathetic. Don’t knock yourself over for missing someone that obviously brought you so much joy at one point in time (even if they caused you nothing but pain later on).

Because there’s a difference between missing someone… and wanting them back in your life.

and as long as the latter is absent, you’re okay. Its natural to recognise that something that used to be in your life is gone… but remember

The one who hurt you does not have the power to heal you.

So miss them. Miss them all you want because

Missing someone is just remembering something that has been forgotten so you are capable of it.


breathe

accept

and let go.

Stage 17: Ti-CHOO!

Have you ever realised how alike humans and tissues are? (yes this is another emotional rant of mine so grab some popcorn and your nearest box of tissues and RELATE TO ME)

Here let me elaborate and justify my statement:

If you didn’t already know, tissues are made of many layers, known as plies. Some say the higher the number of plies, the better the quality of the tissue. This same theory could be applied to us.The more layers or the thicker the facade is of a person the tougher they usually are.Alas what is a determiner of quality in tissues?A synonym of toughness- Durability.

Funnily enough, humans and tissues are so alike that sometimes people mistake other people for tissues… don’t believe me? Then think of that person from high-school who needed help with their homework;To whom you offered your sincere assistance, only to never hear from them again… or until the next time your class was given a sheet of algebra equations. And don’t be mistaken- You’re guilty of treating people like tissues too. We all are.

We dispose of people when we are no longer in need of them.When they no longer provide us with comfort or satisfaction of any sort. When they’ve been rendered useless.

However, its alright. Tissues, like most people in your life, aren’t meant to be permanent. But when you do find those people who’s presence in your life isn’t volatile? Treasure them, because you my dear reader, have found yourself a handkerchief.

 


 

“So Tami what did you do today?”

“Oh nothing much, just blogged about tissues. You know the usual”

(Heres a mini shoutout to all the handkerchief’s in my life. The ones that I have found, and the ones that I have yet to find.)

 

 

 

Stage 10: Move on

Stop.Stop doing that.Just stop.

Why are you making yourself pathetic?Why are you reducing yourself to that level when you’re capable of and ARE much more than that. You’re awesome and you know it. You’re choosing to let this have power over you and control your every move and feeling but stop that right now. Don’t give power to something that obviously brings you so much pain.Stop holding onto ex-animate hopes and dreams;they aren’t alive and full of vigor anymore as much as your misconception would love to believe.They are motionless and static so stop lying to yourself and spending so much of your time focused on something so defunct.

This is all a futile attempt to bring back something that is dead in a mortal world.

You are stronger than this, you are better than this and you can fight this addiction.I know you can.You don’t need this, you just want it.Its a piece of cake you cannot have so move on and bake a new cake.Improve upon that basic recipe and move the hell on.

You’re no longer needed here. You’re being pushed away from here so let yourself be pushed towards something greater.Something that deserves your undivided attention.

Whats happened has happened.You cannot change it.It is out of your control so stop giving this all your energy when better things out there are entitled to it.

You’re being stupid.

Go live the rest of your life already for gods sake.


Remember to just forgive and forget.

Forgive yourself, and forget it ever happened.

Unless you would prefer clinging onto something so corrosive.

Stage 7: Just hold on

Have you ever felt empty?

Just incomplete- like something essential for you to function is missing; and as hard as you try to fill this void: with people, comfort food and tv shows, the crevice becomes larger and more overwhelming. Where being content becomes an unfamiliar and strange idea.This is the moment where your fears capture you and catalyse an internal war.Where you are introduced to your three formidable foes- frustration,dissatisfaction and envy.This is it… You are now a foreigner in your own life.

Have you ever felt this way?

Well stop.Snap out of it.

The world is going to go on with or without you and there is no time to sit around and complain as no-one is going to wait for you.You should know that it is okay to not be okay.But never let that hollowness destroy you.You should know everyone else is doing fine without you.Just perfect.You made a mistake, but our mistakes are what make us.They help us evolve and become the epitomes of ourselves.Without our fears and mistakes we would be nowhere… without these breathless moments tearing us down, we would have no clue what bliss feels like.What living feels like.

You will survive.You will get through this and the best part of it is- You’re going to come out of this more stronger than ever.Right now every second feels like a torturous impediment.I know it does.The world seems to be against you and everything seems to be falling down like dominoes.But please, i beg of you, Don’t waste these seconds. Become the person that overcomes your current self – Happy, satisfied and confident.You don’t need anyone else to feel this way.This is your decision.

The only obstacle between you and your goal is you.Yes, this will be the most stubborn,recalcitrant and obstinate hurdle you will face.But trust me.Once its overcome… You will be proud and dare i say – Happy. A word you think you have forgotten the meaning of.

 

( Youre not the only one – Stage 6 and the other 1/2: Boys suck. )