I am all the synonyms of stupid
It’s sad that a death is a tragedy but anything more is a statistic.
Why do people say its not okay to miss someone or something?
Yes, it can be argued that it is a waste of time but it certainly doesn’t indicate that you are not over whatever it is that you lost.Being condemned for missing something that was a big part of your life is stupid.Lets take the example easiest to relate with- Missing someONE.
It’s okay to miss someone that hurt you because you don’t miss the pain they caused you-HELL NO. gross never.
but instead you miss
the persons presence in your life,
the profound conversations with them,
the vivid memories you shared and most importantly
the connection you had.
It’s not pathetic. Don’t knock yourself over for missing someone that obviously brought you so much joy at one point in time (even if they caused you nothing but pain later on).
Because there’s a difference between missing someone… and wanting them back in your life.
and as long as the latter is absent, you’re okay. Its natural to recognise that something that used to be in your life is gone… but remember
The one who hurt you does not have the power to heal you.
So miss them. Miss them all you want because
Missing someone is just remembering something that has been forgotten so you are capable of it.
and let go.
Sleeping earlier on weekends than weekdays.
Its repetitive isn’t it? The game of heartbreak
Yet we all still play. Participate with full enthusiasm, impetus and with no plan to learn from our mistakes. We all know the outcome, yet we are still hurt when it happens.
Even the strongest humans are susceptible to this disease. The disease that has taken a toll on countless, unsuspecting, innocent victims, and their lives. The implacable disease of Love.
A drug, an addiction,
Something that you can live without but forget how to live without.
The concept of the game? Oh its very simple. You either play or get played. Its very rare to find a friendly match where the two sides are not competing to destroy one another.
The end result? Complete obliteration of the defending team.
Why is this simple game with simple rules so hard though? The answer to that is well… simple.
When things are easy, we tend to use all that extra room to over-complicate stuff. Therefore everyone ends up playing a different game; employing their own strategies and bending the unspoken rules to their own liking.
Another weapon the brave soldiers (that enter this brutal war) are equipped with is the ‘blinker’ ( the blinders horses wear, to prevent them from being frightened by potential harm). However, when our brave soldier puts on this metaphorical blinker, he restricts himself to a view of only the potential harm.
And once this blinker is on.. BOOM.
It was just a crush.
What is trust?
It’s a band stretched to its elastic potential, which (if you paid attention in Physics) requires equal amounts of effort. This ‘effort’ requires the constant reassurance that the other person wont let you down.That they share the same understanding that you do and that they are ready for every term this agreement offers; the good and the bad.
A tub of Honesty, a can of Wholeheartedness, a pinch of Compromise and a willing Sous chef
These promises all translate into unimpeachable relationships.
Well, in a perfect world they do
Just don’t let go of your end
The emerald tinged waters berated the vibrancy of the violet skies all while the gentle breeze blew with a fierce grace.
The house-boat swayed gently in the deep narrow river, safely encased in a thick rain-forest carpeted with luscious floors of green.
An inquisitive child peered over the starboard of her temporary home, into the mesmerizing abyss of the waters. Her mother hovering over her, motivated by her cautiousness and interest in the welfare of the child.
However, unaware of the impending danger and the vastness of the river, the little girl was lost.
Daydreaming was her forte.
She was a Dreamer.
‘I wonder how many me’s it would take to drink all this water’
‘I wonder how fish drink water. Do fish drink water?’
‘So if fish drink water and then also excrete this pee, but remain in the same waters, are they drinking the-‘ ‘DINNER’S READY’
And just like that, the attention shifts towards something greater than fish urine. Food.
The aroma of the lemon zest reverberated off of the fried fish, engulfing the lower deck immediately.
‘But you love fish. Why wont you eat now?’ ‘What do you mean it’s dirty? WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS COVERED IN PEE?”I’m not letting you leave this table until you eat that fish, you fussy child.Now eat.’
And there they remained.At the table. Until the mother’s heart softened at the unspoken plea of her stubborn child and the rice and curry was brought out again.
These sudden spasms of insecurity that just convulse your whole moment. Triggered by the most minor things or sometimes nothing at all.
Rendering you useless, reducing your self-confidence, re-establishing any fear you had of failing.
You want to stay a recluse forever, feeling unworthy of any attention, but you’ve unfortunately been blessed with the gift of life.
You’re a Philanthropic Misanthrope.
Voluntarily choosing to be in silence.
It sucks, and its not something i used to be capable of. However now, somehow i am able to jail my voice, only speaking when necessary and sometimes not even then. Its confusing, its all sorts of depressing and its highly unhealthy.
I confess: I’m a Chronic Over-thinker. Do you know what overthinking is like? Its trying to move forward with life, with one foot firmly on the brake. Its something only someone who’s passionate about warring with their emotions can achieve. Its just toxic.
I don’t even, know the function of this post. I guess it was an attempt at venting and then being able to make sense of what ive been feeling? However it sure as hell isnt working.
Why couldnt i tell someone close to me? That’s the Overthinking efficiently working. Its made me feel alone and dissatisfied with everything. It’s consuming every aspect that supports me. But why? How do i even go about making sense of this.
I want to study
I want to be successful
I want to stop being a ‘Jack of all, King of none’
I want to stop condemning every thing i do
I want to stop being fed up with people around me
I just don’t want to feel alone anymore.
I know this is a year of my life where i need to focus, where the above statements actually are advantages. But its a major change.. going from the free morpheme ‘social’ to the bound morpheme ‘anti-social’. That was an AS English reference ( yeah woah i’m actually sticking to my promise and studying this year?) but it’s ironic, since i do feel bound
But from my own actions? I know that can’t be normal.
I was okay with being a mess before and now that for the first time, i’m actually getting stuff done and organised- clearing up the ‘garbage’ that i had transformed my life into- I’m not happy? This is so messed up. What’s wrong with me?
How can i be making the choice of isolating myself and then question why i feel so isolated.