Tag Archives: funny

Stage 35: #TheIdiotAwarenessCampaign

I see a very interesting attitude plaguing the majority of millennials; The ‘life is monotonous and I need an escape from its dull, overbearing tedium’ syndrome. A mouthful of words and an unnerving concept for me to grasp because I myself am going through a ‘holy moley how am I so ignorant’ phase.

And no this post is not about the adrenaline junkies who crave for a break from their daily drills or the people who don’t see the enjoyment in leading our lives as machines     (although i would much prefer you did something about the drab rather than complain routinely).

No, this months dedicated rant is for those lazy lumps who think they’re above the world- the ones who are so engrossed in their pity party that they forget we have the luxury of learning with the click of a button, with the push of a finger, with the touch of a tab. The ones so cocooned in their preconceived notions of humans that they forget we live in a world inhabited by highly functioning psychopaths and reclusive introverts, in a world where there are left and right ideals, in a world where some perform in the arts and others succeed in the sciences. The people so sheltered by their ignorance that they forget there is literally a universe to explore.

I fail to see how one can be so bored with what life has to offer when there is so much you have yet to experience. You’ve failed to discover it, yet you’re bored of it. That’s like Columbus turning his ship around after spotting the new world on the horizon, deciding it wasn’t worth his time.

So if you ever come across a person like this please feel free to direct them towards the following video.



The TellTale Traits of someone with tedium syndrome.

  1. They say things like ‘life is monotonous and I need an escape from its dull, overbearing tedium’… well not exactly.. probably a less syntax heavy expression.
  2. They’re 76% of the people that say ‘nm bored u?’.
  3. Almost always the first person to watch your Snapchat story or like your Instagram picture.
  4. ALWAYS free to complain
  5. Most likely to think left and right winged are ‘aeroplane terms’ (Fun fact: This is a question I have actually been asked. Funner fact: The person is enrolled in an aviation academy.

 #TheIdiotAwarenessCampaign – Perhaps a series to come. 



 

 

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Diary of an Over-thinker: 2

Let me set the scene for you.

It’s a pleasant, cool day. You stand around nonchalantly with a group of people. Banter is being passed around like a ball and a contest of wit seems to be taking place. Generally a satisfying spell has seized control of the day. That is until

 

Irrelevant person 1: “and then i said to her if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate!!”

*unanimous laughter at punny chemistry joke*

You: “hey that reminds me irrelevant person 3, did you watch that documentary?”

Irrelevant person 3: …

*pause before you attempt to ask the deaf irrelevance your question again*

You: ” Did you see that docum-”

Irrelevant person 3: “Oh btw guys (proceeds to talk about irrelevant topic)”

You: *cue feelings of wanting to move to Lithuania to sell cats for a living*

 

Not being heard and having to repeat yourself is the worst. The only thing worse than that is having to repeat yourself and not being heard again. ( and the only thing worse than THAT is it happening with your crush but that’s a whole other post).

I mean I know it’s kind of dramatic to feel so worthless, but that is EXACTLY how you feel. I don’t know why, but the insecurities just thrive off of moments like those. It’s the most terrifying thing that can happen to you and somehow it leaves you feeling like the least important human on the planet. It leaves you feeling irrelevant.

Overthinking coupled with abandonment issues and crippling social anxiety- Life’s peachy keen.

Stage 29: Crushes, Rubber bands and Analogies

Sitting on the edge of my bed, clinging to my phone and the words of my closest friends, upset yet again about another boy, i wondered why some days it was so easy to forget and then other days why it was impossible to even begin to do so.

I’ve used rubber bands before to signify trust, but rubber bands are so so so very versatile in their analogical power, it is insane. Bless them.

So here is yet another analogy for you my bored reader.

Crushes and Rubber Bands.

You don’t even have to be facing your crush for this to happen. Actually it works best if you AREN’T facing them. Metaphorically of course. You guys could be on a no communication basis and this will definitely be a problem you will face.

Liking someone is like being attached to them by a rubber band. Your relationship is represented by this band and all your fights, arguments and little fall outs contribute in eroding away the band. Likewise and on the other hand, all your shared conversations, secrets and smiles contribute into making this band stronger and somehow more flexible. The longer you have feelings for this person, the higher the elastic limit. The funny thing is our prey- i mean our crush is usually unaware of this. It’s a sad world.

So now this concept should explain why it is so hard to get over people you harbour romantic feelings for. Every time, you have to try with all your strength and you can not afford to get tired. Because once you do, you’re pulled back by the rubber band, and hard.

And its’s harder each time you’re flung back because it gnaws away at your willpower. It affects your self control and it messes with your confidence. It makes you behave quite pathetically really.

And now thanks to me you have something to blame your pitiful state on. Yaaaaaaaaaay!

No but listen. I know it seems impossible and that’s because as i explained it is hard for a while. But eventually according to physics (finally this subject is helpful) if stretched enough for long, beyond its elastic limit… what happens to the band? YOU’RE RIGHT! It snaps. And WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE you’re free. Just like that.

But obviously since you managed to make it through this entire post, I’ll give you a little cheat code bonus present thingamabob. The band can be cut by a pair of simple scissors. And I happen to have an extra pair. Stop being so attached to them and get over it.

Here

 

Diary of an over-thinker : 1

‘I appreciate it’

HOW ON EARTH DO YOU RESPOND TO THIS. How. there is actually no valid, logical response to this phrase from hell.I propose that we ban this phrase. We need to sign a petition that just kills this phrase and makes it illegal to say.

You can’t just say ‘you’re welcome’ because that’s insinuating that the person should have thanked you or just comes off as plain sarcastic.

If you say ‘no problem’ or ‘anytime’ it makes it seem like you’ve done them a huge favour even though it might have been something of equal importance to you.

I mean if this happens on chat, you’re lucky- send a heart emoji and you’re good. But what about when it’s in person. WHAT IS THE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE THEN?????????

You can’t just smile- that’s rude and cold and you seem stuck up.

I mean you could just tell them to shut up, grab them and *bearhug*… but what if they’re not a hugger or you aren’t at that level of friendship yet or it really wasn’t a big deal.. like what if you just opened the door for someone.. IM SO CONFUZZLED

Conclusion: Just walk away… move to Easter Island and change your name to Cheesebiscuit because there is actually no turning back from this point on. You have just reached the boss level and not just any boss. Like Bowser boss level. So yeah basically impossible to beat. ( i swear if you could beat Bowser then marry me)

Stage 23: The nicest compliment

‘You inspire me’

I heard these words the other day, and my innate response told me to inquire Why.

And then to invariably, of course, use humor (i don’t know how to appropriately accept compliments).Therefore i concluded that i should reply with ‘Wow your standards must be low’

But i ended up laughing it off and running out the door.

YES.

RUNNING.

I sometimes think people befriend me just for the awkward things i do.

Toodle-o kangaroo.

Stage 20: Travel Diaries and Childhood memories

The emerald tinged waters berated the vibrancy of the violet skies all while the gentle breeze blew with a fierce grace.

The house-boat swayed gently in the deep narrow river, safely encased in a thick rain-forest carpeted with luscious floors of green.

An inquisitive child peered over the starboard of her temporary home, into the mesmerizing abyss of the waters. Her mother hovering over her, motivated by her cautiousness and interest in the welfare of the child.

However, unaware of the impending danger and the vastness of the river, the little girl was lost.

Daydreaming was her forte.

She was a Dreamer.

‘I wonder how many me’s it would take to drink all this water’

‘I wonder how fish drink water. Do fish drink water?’

‘So if fish drink water and then also excrete this pee, but remain in the same waters, are they drinking the-‘ ‘DINNER’S READY’

And just like that, the attention shifts towards something greater than fish urine. Food.

The aroma of the lemon zest reverberated off of the fried fish, engulfing the lower deck immediately.

‘But you love fish. Why wont you eat now?’ ‘What do you mean it’s dirty? WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS COVERED IN PEE?”I’m not letting you leave this table until you eat that fish, you fussy child.Now eat.’

And there they remained.At the table. Until the mother’s heart softened at the unspoken plea of her stubborn child and the rice and curry was brought out again.

 

Stage 17: Ti-CHOO!

Have you ever realised how alike humans and tissues are? (yes this is another emotional rant of mine so grab some popcorn and your nearest box of tissues and RELATE TO ME)

Here let me elaborate and justify my statement:

If you didn’t already know, tissues are made of many layers, known as plies. Some say the higher the number of plies, the better the quality of the tissue. This same theory could be applied to us.The more layers or the thicker the facade is of a person the tougher they usually are.Alas what is a determiner of quality in tissues?A synonym of toughness- Durability.

Funnily enough, humans and tissues are so alike that sometimes people mistake other people for tissues… don’t believe me? Then think of that person from high-school who needed help with their homework;To whom you offered your sincere assistance, only to never hear from them again… or until the next time your class was given a sheet of algebra equations. And don’t be mistaken- You’re guilty of treating people like tissues too. We all are.

We dispose of people when we are no longer in need of them.When they no longer provide us with comfort or satisfaction of any sort. When they’ve been rendered useless.

However, its alright. Tissues, like most people in your life, aren’t meant to be permanent. But when you do find those people who’s presence in your life isn’t volatile? Treasure them, because you my dear reader, have found yourself a handkerchief.

 


 

“So Tami what did you do today?”

“Oh nothing much, just blogged about tissues. You know the usual”

(Heres a mini shoutout to all the handkerchief’s in my life. The ones that I have found, and the ones that I have yet to find.)