Stage 29: Crushes, Rubber bands and Analogies

Sitting on the edge of my bed, clinging to my phone and the words of my closest friends, upset yet again about another boy, i wondered why some days it was so easy to forget and then other days why it was impossible to even begin to do so.

I’ve used rubber bands before to signify trust, but rubber bands are so so so very versatile in their analogical power, it is insane. Bless them.

So here is yet another analogy for you my bored reader.

Crushes and Rubber Bands.

You don’t even have to be facing your crush for this to happen. Actually it works best if you AREN’T facing them. Metaphorically of course. You guys could be on a no communication basis and this will definitely be a problem you will face.

Liking someone is like being attached to them by a rubber band. Your relationship is represented by this band and all your fights, arguments and little fall outs contribute in eroding away the band. Likewise and on the other hand, all your shared conversations, secrets and smiles contribute into making this band stronger and somehow more flexible. The longer you have feelings for this person, the higher the elastic limit. The funny thing is our prey- i mean our crush is usually unaware of this. It’s a sad world.

So now this concept should explain why it is so hard to get over people you harbour romantic feelings for. Every time, you have to try with all your strength and you can not afford to get tired. Because once you do, you’re pulled back by the rubber band, and hard.

And its’s harder each time you’re flung back because it gnaws away at your willpower. It affects your self control and it messes with your confidence. It makes you behave quite pathetically really.

And now thanks to me you have something to blame your pitiful state on. Yaaaaaaaaaay!

No but listen. I know it seems impossible and that’s because as i explained it is hard for a while. But eventually according to physics (finally this subject is helpful) if stretched enough for long, beyond its elastic limit… what happens to the band? YOU’RE RIGHT! It snaps. And WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE you’re free. Just like that.

But obviously since you managed to make it through this entire post, I’ll give you a little cheat code bonus present thingamabob. The band can be cut by a pair of simple scissors. And I happen to have an extra pair. Stop being so attached to them and get over it.

Here

 

Stage 28: Mindless Rhyming

 

I’m Fast to judge, Slow to understand, and Often never right

I speak loudly in the day and cry sheltered by a blanket of moonlight

I run from my problems and never ever fight

my insecurities that remain unsurpassed despite

my love for the future, which now, looks bleakly bright

because

I’m Fast to judge, Slow to understand, and Often never right

Stage 27: Control

Why do people take you for granted is a question you do not deserve to ask.

You know why, I mean come on, you’re there at the person’s beck and call, you’re always chirpy and always say the right things  what the person wants to hear. I mean in a normal society these attributes would be cherished.But in a society where Trump is President-Elect, mass genocide is happening in multiple countries and rape culture is a thing, I wouldn’t deem our society exactly sane or one that adheres to rationality in particular.

Although we should love the people that love us, we always make the mistake of confusing that love for undying. Love is like a flower that needs to be nurtured and cared for, watered and adorned with sunlight and most importantly love itself. If the flower is continuously ignored, it will progressively fade, wilt and die.

Instead of caring for the flowers- the people- that we already have,We search for more to add to our garden and in the process of all this forget to nurture the ones that have flourished. In this failure of ours, if realised too late, we lose most of our bouquet.

But then there are those humans- the cacti of this world, who power through everything; no love for months on end but they still grow, they still provide nourishment for animals accustomed to their thorns and they do what they believe is their purpose- they care. Care relentlessly, unhinged by the absence of love from their world.

Why do people take you for granted is a question you do not deserve to ask.

You know why.

Stage 26: We, Wyself and Wi

It’s not the fact that anything changed between us… not a relationship status or our physical presence. But for some reason, almost disappeared, has our mental connection.

I cant place it but we’re different

Our conversations

Our exchanges

Our everything

Something’s different about us 

I blame you and you might blame me. Truth is there is no-one to blame. Nothing happened, but we changed. We both changed somehow. Unable to foster the parallel we used to share, we both are rendered helpless.

We miss each other but we can’t be together.

We tell each other but it doesn’t change anything.

It doesn’t change the fact that we lost it.

We misplaced a feeling and now It’s gone. Maybe not forever. but heck it sure is taking a long time to find… I’ll fight for it though. I’ll fight like I’ve never lost before, but you need to fight too.

Please fight. Fight hard.

Fight for us.

Diary of an over-thinker : 1

‘I appreciate it’

HOW ON EARTH DO YOU RESPOND TO THIS. How. there is actually no valid, logical response to this phrase from hell.I propose that we ban this phrase. We need to sign a petition that just kills this phrase and makes it illegal to say.

You can’t just say ‘you’re welcome’ because that’s insinuating that the person should have thanked you or just comes off as plain sarcastic.

If you say ‘no problem’ or ‘anytime’ it makes it seem like you’ve done them a huge favour even though it might have been something of equal importance to you.

I mean if this happens on chat, you’re lucky- send a heart emoji and you’re good. But what about when it’s in person. WHAT IS THE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE THEN?????????

You can’t just smile- that’s rude and cold and you seem stuck up.

I mean you could just tell them to shut up, grab them and *bearhug*… but what if they’re not a hugger or you aren’t at that level of friendship yet or it really wasn’t a big deal.. like what if you just opened the door for someone.. IM SO CONFUZZLED

Conclusion: Just walk away… move to Easter Island and change your name to Cheesebiscuit because there is actually no turning back from this point on. You have just reached the boss level and not just any boss. Like Bowser boss level. So yeah basically impossible to beat. ( i swear if you could beat Bowser then marry me)

Stage 25: You’re happy.

I recently came out.

Not of a closet concerning my sexuality, but rather my mental health.

I still don’t know whether i can call it depression or classify it as full fledged anxiety. Or if it was a concoction of both of those highly complementing ingredients.Not only did they complement each other, but also were extremely compatible with my soul.

The first time i told someone was last year.But last year it wasn’t as powerful. Last year it was like an appetizer for the main course that was soon to upset my entire life and morals. Last year was a breeze comparatively because last year i had things to blame it on… but this year? This time? Nothing.

This time it was in my head, this time it was something i chose, this time it was far more real…

Because this time it made me stronger.

Just when i thought i was alone and had no-one left that i could trust or turn to, i remembered that there were people i had been taking for granted all along. My last chance at a plea for help- Family.

And Holy Hell did they help.

Never have i felt so supported before.Never have i felt so valued. Never have i been so happy.

Yes of course the panic attacks still hit me hard. Of course the sadness hasn’t disappeared but I don’t give up anymore. I fight.

Anxiety and Depression are monsters that feed off of self-pity, self-hatred and self-doubt. But when you choose to be indubitably grateful, compassionately loving and unrelentingly confident, you’re also choosing to be in control.

You’re making a conscious decision to be happy.

The easiest thing to do when you’ve dug a hole so deep is to keep digging. The further you dig the harder it is to get out.It’s always harder to get out.But you have to. You cant let your mind control you.

Don’t let these diseases make you an audience member of your very own life. You didn’t come here to watch. You were sent here to play.


 

 A special thanks to my brother, I love you.

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