I recently came out.
Not of a closet concerning my sexuality, but rather my mental health.
I still don’t know whether i can call it depression or classify it as full fledged anxiety. Or if it was a concoction of both of those highly complementing ingredients.Not only did they complement each other, but also were extremely compatible with my soul.
The first time i told someone was last year.But last year it wasn’t as powerful. Last year it was like an appetizer for the main course that was soon to upset my entire life and morals. Last year was a breeze comparatively because last year i had things to blame it on… but this year? This time? Nothing.
This time it was in my head, this time it was something i chose, this time it was far more real…
Because this time it made me stronger.
Just when i thought i was alone and had no-one left that i could trust or turn to, i remembered that there were people i had been taking for granted all along. My last chance at a plea for help- Family.
And Holy Hell did they help.
Never have i felt so supported before.Never have i felt so valued. Never have i been so happy.
Yes of course the panic attacks still hit me hard. Of course the sadness hasn’t disappeared but I don’t give up anymore. I fight.
Anxiety and Depression are monsters that feed off of self-pity, self-hatred and self-doubt. But when you choose to be indubitably grateful, compassionately loving and unrelentingly confident, you’re also choosing to be in control.
You’re making a conscious decision to be happy.
The easiest thing to do when you’ve dug a hole so deep is to keep digging. The further you dig the harder it is to get out.It’s always harder to get out.But you have to. You cant let your mind control you.
Don’t let these diseases make you an audience member of your very own life. You didn’t come here to watch. You were sent here to play.
A special thanks to my brother, I love you.